My Talent is Not my Cup Size

I left my job in corporate America and made the jump to becoming a work at home mother this year.  The everyday juggle is still there but in an entirely different way.  The freedom I now possess has been a life saver.  Our family has become better due in part to this life changing decision.

It is life changing and not just for the warm fuzzy feelings of seeing my daughter up close and in action more frequently either.  It has been the change I needed to view working in an all together different way.  A new realm and way of thinking about my abilities and myself.  It was during a slightly boozy dinner date with my husband last week where I mentioned that an offer had been made for me to go back to work.  Different field, different job.  Possibly a great fit too.  Did I want it?  The verdict is still out and the details of the job itself are a bit hazy.  My husband made the offhand comment that I seem so much more grounded than before.  Calmer and decidedly more likable.  It’s true.  I like writing and working from home far more than I thought possible.  This side work I do could stem into something quite real and good. It is in essence, a job that has me writing my own ticket.  What could be better than that?  Then like a lightening bolt  it struck me.  The real reason that I like working from home.   

No one can see me. 

My meetings are all on the phone.  My work is all done via the Internet.  For me nothing could be better. I still have weekly meetings and tasks to do, but it is all done with only my typing fingers and my voice.  No face time. No hand shakes.  No touching.  My work is based solely on my abilities.  Nothing else.  And you know what?  I’m truly appreciated and seen as talented for the first time in my life.  It’s exhilerating!  It’s freeing and justified.  Before this?  Each job was like the last.  A boss that didn’t give credit where credit was due.  Co-workers who cared more about the state of my breasts and butt than the state of my spreadsheets or anything else.  My levy at work had always been my physical assests and not based on any real ounce of talent.  I hated it.  It crushed me emotionally and left me feeling empty.  No matter what I did each job was the same.  I was a pretty face and must have only that going for me.  It wasn’t my field of work because I kept changing that!  It is just the way it always seemed to be. 

Now, for the first time that isn’t the case.  I feel valued for simply the work I do and nothing else.  There is no one there to proposition me and then penalize me when I turn them down.  No one to tell me to jump out of their birthday cake to get ahead.  Oh yes, that happened.  No one asks about my sex life or what my breasts look like after breastfeeding.  I could go on.  And on.  Over the years I’ve racked up quite a few squeamish moments. 

I felt embarassed for even stating this as the reason for my new found happiness, but my spouse whole heartedly agreed. He saw it himself and heard the daily travails of each job, each shockingly perverted comment, each sexual innuendo, and each punishment if I didn’t comply. Which I never did.  I’m just not that type of woman.  I am the woman who will enforce the ethics laws on you, but that is the only thing I solicit, besides Human Resources.  I do not back down.  However, it gets old, especially when you are the only one playing by those rules. 

Eight months later becoming a work at home mother has been one of the best things I could have ever done and not just for my family.  For the first time I am evaluated on the work I actually do, on my true performance and talents, and not my cup size.  I am taken for my full value and what I can and will achieve.  That has been the real self-esteem builder way more than any of those women in the workplace workshops. 

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