Cross-posted from Flaming Tulle-
Recently I participated in Trash the Dress, a growing project that many photographers are taking part in. Trash the Dress is typically done the week after a wedding has taken place. The bride gets back into ‘the’ dress and well, you know, trashes it. Photos are done in water, under water, in the dirt or just plain out in the open without a care as to what happens to the dress. There’s even been a dumpster dive. When a photographer friend of mine asked me to take part in this fun project I was eager to help out.
Not using my own dress because quite frankly I don’t think it fits, I opted instead to lay waste to some of the bridesmaids dresses that appear to be breeding in the back of my closet. Out came the sage colored two-piece, the red empire waited gown and a black gauzy number. I really wanted these dresses to go out with a bang. That red one could have been set on fire and I wouldn’t have minded. We set out on a chilly fall day for the local marina and immediately got down to business.
I climbed trees, laid on fallen logs and felt a bit like Narcissus as I glanced at my reflection in the still waters. I dropped into some foliage and rolled around a bit and even lay on a dock with some scary geese fast approaching. It was fun. OK, it was more than fun. When else can I traipse around in formal wear, full makeup, and up do and my Chuck Taylors? Seeing as I’m not a fashion model, I would venture to say, never. It was cold but it was all in the name of art right? One thing though. That green ensemble was pretty much dirt repellent. It is back in the closet waiting for take two of Trash the Dress and warmer weather. Not a speck of dirt stuck to it. Unbelievable.
What I learned from this whole this, beyond the creativity and fun of it, is that it is a perfect opportunity to de-stress. Really what could be better after all that wedding hullabaloo than getting back into that dress and letting nature have it’s way.  Maybe you just simply want to wear the dress one last time and this is a great chance to do so. That is a good enough reason for me. What I really love is that it sort of thumbs it to the whole wedding industry that builds up the idea of a wedding dress as more than a piece of fabric and some beading. Yes, the dress probably has sentimental meaning to it. I don’t disagree with that. The dress is not magical though. It possesses no special powers. They shouldn’t even cost as much as they do. Yet the wedding industry and all its gurus would have us think that this is the ‘ultimate’ in dresses that you will wear. Never again will a day be as special. Nothing will ever compare to your wedding day. Nothing.Â
Except maybe running a marathon, having your children born healthy, living to the ripe old age of 95 or being married for 40 plus years. When I publish my first book, that day will undoubtably be as special as the day I donned that ivory gown. When I see my kids graduate from high school and college those days will compare and probably outrank my wedding day. The point I’m trying to make is that not that marriage is not important. It is the marriage and not the wedding dress and all it’s accoutrements that are what it is important. The dress is not. The dress serves only some idealized purpose of what we are supposed to do and look like. Not what we are and work for our marriages to be.Â
Participating in Trash the Dress was liberating. I encourage all women to try it out. If you are just going to let those formal gowns sit in your closet and not donate them then why not have a little dirty fun instead?  Guaranteed the photos will serve as a reminder to you that women shouldn’t take themselves so seriously all the time. That the ‘ultimate dress’ is really not all it is cracked up to be and after it is all said and done it is the relationship between spouses and not brides and the wedding industry that is.
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