In the last week, three people have asked me what I’m doing for Black Friday. What, it’s like Christmas now? One person even asked me what I was going to wear. I don’t know if they were implying that I need to dress up in case a reporter asks me how early I got in line or whether they meant I should dress down in a sweatsuit so I can sprint and jostle and elbow tall shoppers in the groin without constraints.
So what happened to Thanksgiving? Are we multitasking holidays now, the way we do everything else at once? Do any of these people really think that I’m stupid enough to stand in freezing Maine weather at four in the morning just to get a better price on Victoria’s Secret Barbie or The Diva Dolls Do Dallas on DVD with additional footage not shown in theaters?
No, come Black Friday, which always sounds like a religious holiday to me, I’ll be tucked up in my warm bed snoring loudly enough to vibrate Geekdaddy’s pocket protector. Later on Black Friday or Mauve Monday or Taupe Tuesday or some other colored day, after a leisurely breakfast of whatever the kids didn’t scarf down like locusts, Geekdaddy and I will peruse the sales online and figure out where we want to spend the miserly sum per child we budgeted for Solstice this year. I can guarantee it won’t be at a big-box.
For one thing, there are the toy recalls which have really opened my eyes to what I want in my house — not just my kids’ toy boxes and rooms. Before I reach for my wallet, I want to know where that attractively packaged but possibly lethal toy came from. I want to know who made it, how old they were, how much they got paid and whether they were treated like a human being by their employer or forced to wait to relieve their bladders until the two 5 minute bathroom breaks they get a day. And, of course, I want unleaded not leaded when I fill up my cart.
Maybe my aversion to joining the Black Friday lemming parade is part of my unschooling philosophy or my liberal far left flaming radical political beliefs. Maybe I’m just oppositional like I’m always accusing my kids of being. (You’d kick at a football game, is what my brother says about me. No, I wouldn’t!) To my mind, this whole conspicuous (by its lack of thought for the consequences) consumption orgy is yet another symptom of so much that’s wrong with society and pop culture.
We’re trained to consume from the time we’re born and told that its for our benefit. (The big corporations are just making this stuff for us out of the goodness of their little black corporate hearts. They’re almost non-profits for goodness’ sake, absent the odd billion or two.) We get our ethical standards and values from ad slogans, corporate-sponsored TV shows and even bumper stickers. Who can forget the immortal line: He who dies with the most toys wins? Makes you want to run right over to Wally World and buy three of everything so you’ll have more, doesn’t it?
But back to Black Friday and what I’m doing that day. Well, I may be writing ad copy for my safe toy blog, How to Find Safe Toys, ironic as that may sound coming from someone who just dissed commercialism and consumers. I confess that I’ve been examining my motives vis a vis affiliate sales lately. I’ve talked it over with my spiritual advisors — my Black Lab, Jetta, and my brother, Uncle Wil the Pirate CowboyHypnotist. They’re usually pretty good at helping me see whether what I’m doing is A Good Thing or A Bad Thing. (You can’t beat Labs or Cowboys for that; they see everything in black and white.)
I (and they and most of my 100 closest friends who were bugged by me with a veritable snowstorm of emails) agree that one of the ways to fight this commercial stupidity is to offer people alternatives to it. Humans are always going to buy stuff. Heck, when archaeologists dig up Early Human graves, there’s stuff in there that was buried with them. Yes! Early Humans had stuff too and probably had to move to a bigger cave every few months to store it all. Like crows, human adults and children are attracted to shiny pebbles, glitz and glitter and things that whir and move. (Also to things that need batteries, but that’s another post.)
My list of safe toy companies provides an alternative to the malls and big box stores. You don’t have to wear your heels to gouge other shoppers’ insteps. You can buy dolls that don’t need contraceptives or a motel room for pretend play. Blocks and toy trains with non-toxic paint are still on the menu for toddlers who put everything in their mouths - and that would be all toddlers in my experience. (Some tweens and teens too.) Best of all, when we shop at ethical companies, we’re supporting a better world in my view. My bottom line is that I think it’s way better to buy fewer toys and better toys from companies that treat their customers and the earth with respect. And, of course, that goes for everything else, not just toys. That’s why, this Black Friday, I won’t be in line; I’ll be in bed.
