While the saying goes: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, we all know that is just wishful thinking. Of course words can and do hurt people all the time. After a recent parent-teacher conference for my 5-year-old son, I am reminded how mean kids can be to each other (he needs to work on better communicating the “we don’t want to play with you now” message). And while kids are often mean to each other on purpose, they also hurt people’s feelings unintentionally when they don’t understand how their words affect others.
And, mamas, were it only our kids! We adults are also guilty of hurting people with our words when we don’t quite know how best to say something - or, in some cases, don’t know there is a best way. Over the past few years riding public transit with my kids, I have answered some pretty direct questions about people sitting right next to us - the kind of questions that make all the ears on the bus perk up to see what happens next, to see just what I’m gonna say. And truth be told, often I’m as curious as they are!
But beyond saving face on the bus by explaining sensitive concepts of race, disability, and just plain differences, I have realized that by being forced to explain these things front and center, I’ve articulated my beliefs, not just my words. It’s much more important than just not offending anyone - as George Orwell said, “If thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.”
As parents, we have a unique opportunity to shape the language of the next generation, to teach our kids how to speak respectfully about others, specifically those whose diagnosis or difference is too often used to define them. When I recently connected with some mamas who work tirelessly as advocates of children with Down’s Syndrome, I was pushed a step further by their endorsement of “People First Language.” It’s pretty straightforward: when talking about someone with a disabiltiy, describe the person first, then - if it’s relevant - say what condition she has. And if it’s not relevant, leave it out. For example, I’d say “my brother in-law has a cognitive disability”, not “he’s learning disabled.”
Here’s a chance to make a powerful change right now. We don’t need Congress or the good folks in our state legislatures for this one. How refreshing! Right now, we can make this shift to respectful, people first language. We can start the next generation off with this attitude, this respect, so that it’s second nature. So they don’t have to pause before answering direct questions on the bus, like I did, it’ll just roll off their tongues. Now that’s power, mamas.
