Tag Archives: love

Addicted to Love? how to deal with it

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How can you tell if you are addicted to love…more specifically, addicted to the feeling that love gives you. Let’s face it, love is the most powerful emotion in the world and it really can make you do silly things. When you fall in love you can’t eat, sleep or do much of anything productive…eventually this obsessive love wears off…but for the first couple weeks in a new relationship it can be nonstop.

So the big question is, could you become addicted to this butterflies in stomach Adrenaline rush that you get when you fall into this obsessive love stage? I think the answer is a resounding yes…these emotions you feel are EXTREMELY powerful and are the strongest drug ever made…via your own body!

So love is a VERY powerful drug actually and you can go from relationship to relationship just re-fueling that feeling over and over.

So how do you ween yourself off of the love drug…how do you find a partner that you can keep a steady flow of love drug to your brain instead of only getting that couple week fix for each new person?

Science is still working on all the answers, but there is a part of the brain that lights up when you feel love that can be maintained over a lifetime…this is what we all must be looking for…this has to be the meaning of life…Ultimately I’m talking about pair bonding with someone that gives you that steady stream of the love drug.

So how do you find someone that gives you a steady stream of love drug AND where the other person gets the same thing? I don’t have all the answers by any stretch of the imagination…but my gut is telling me that it has to be from getting to know someone’s character. By forming a bond based on sharing experiences and getting to know a person’s character and some deep details about there life one must have a great chance of forming a lifelong partnership.

As a very intelligent and insightful women told me once…

“It seems as though many members, male and female, of my generation use sex to define a relationship. But I don’t act this way and it’s definitely not how I care to build a strong foundation for a life long relationship. It makes me wonder, “has our generation become so jaded that we no longer recognize romance,” or the importance of it?”

So romance must be the key to understanding why we are on this earth and what our purpose is. Romantic love is the key to understanding why we bond with people and more importantly why people stay together for so long…

So if romantic love is the ultimate drug/purpose for life…then why do so many people think that sex comes first then romance…why do people hookup at bars for one night stands and never experience love…

I personally have only experienced romantic love twice…each time it was very intense and I experienced the common symptoms of not being able to really eat or sleep for a solid week…of course I messed up both times and the relationship died…but ultimately it was totally worth it and something I will never forget.

The point of this post is really about IF you have felt that feeling recently…how do you not get addicted to it and want it more and more…because then your going to get yourself into a binge where all you want is the love drug and every other part of your life falls apart. How do you get to experience the love drug without crashing hard from withdrawal when it goes away and crave it even more? I wish I had the answer to this…anyone out there wanna help with this subject? Please leave comments below.

How to Fix Valentines Day Heartbreak

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So you went out of Valentine’s day and it turned into a disastrous breakup…here are some tips for how to deal with this situation.

1. know that any heartbreak feelings your having right now is totally temporary…you might have a very bad case of the blues and think that life isn’t even worth living anymore…but just know that these nasty feelings will go away over time.

Scientific Explanation: When you have that heartbreak feeling going on it is from Adrenalin and Oxytocin…they too chemicals play hugely in your brain regarding your moods…Oxytocin has also been called the cuddle drug…because your body makes it when you have that skin on skin cuddling contact with someone.  Adrenalin on the other hand is like crack cocaine…it’s your bodies natural way of getting you excited and keeping you alert.  In a relationship where things are fast and furious from the get go, you can get a TON of Adrenalin running through your brain where you can’t sleep, eat, or really even think…its the butterflies in the stomach response and can be extremely powerful.  Feeling love like that is the strongest drug known to man…it can be completely overwhelming and cause you to do stupid things…and when your heart is broken that feeling goes away and you are literally coming down and having drug withdrawal symptoms from so much Adrenalin.

2. Exercise helps…yes, surprising when you are feeling that anxious butterflies in stomach heartbreak feeling…exercise will help you feel better. Also, the harder you exercise the better…so go lift so weight or do some sprints…this will calm down your system actually and help to push some of the Adrenalin out of your body. I know it sounds crazy, but give it a shot…if you have a new love or just got dumped by one…go exercise and it will calm you down so you can eat and sleep better.

3. Distract your mind…one common thing to do is to keep thinking about your lover over and over in your head and even beating yourself up by thinking ‘well I shoulda, coulda, woulda’…what’s done is done…you can’t change the past, you can only influence the future…so stop thinking about your lover and just focus on something totally different. Of course this is easier said then done, once we experience the love drug we can’t stop thinking about it…it’s like your body is craving those chemicals again and you can’t get that person out of your head. You really need to put yourself in a situation where you can’t even begin to think about him/her. Get your head in a place where you focus on your work, friends, family, hobbies, etc…take a break from any activities you enjoyed together so it doesn’t spur more memories of the loved one. One specific trick you can use is to think about all the bad stuff about your lover…this will help your mind come to the conclusion that ‘she/he wasn’t right for me anyway’. This can be a little bit hard to do, but if you can just focus on why they are not right it will help relax you and you will stop thinking about all the good things.

4. Chalk it up as a learning experience…the ability to laugh at one’s self and learn from our mistakes is next to Godliness. To many folks take love too seriously…yes it is the ultimate drug and high…but you have to think about the long term and want you have learned from your experience so it doesn’t happen again…yes this can also be hard (I wasn’t saying dealing with heartbreak is easy by any stretch of the imagination) …but know that deep down you are a more evolved and better person because you went through such a strong emotional experience. Know that you just experienced something great and now that’s its over you can learn from it and grow to be better for your next mate. Think of life as a journey and not a destination…so many of us get all wrapped up in trying to get married and have kids that we forget that life is a process where we learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward. You have to just chalk it up to experience and move on…don’t dwell on the person if it doesn’t work out. You might not think that you will ever find anyone as awesome as your lover…this is a VERY common thing to think…but this is simply not true. You have to let go of that person and know that the next relationship you are in will be way better because you are smarter and had this experience…keep this in your mind and you will always be able to have better and better relationships :)

I would love to hear anymore tips folks have for having to deal with a broken heart…we’ve all been there, so don’t ever think that you are the first person to have their heart broken…it’s human nature to want to feel love. Keep in mind that getting love is risky business, there is always a chance that your feelings won’t be returned and you will be devastated…but think of it this way, at least you tried and had that feeling for a short time…yeah it sucks if your heartbroken now…but give it time, get out and spend some time with your friends and always know that it is better to have loved and lost to have never loved at all…sounds cheesy but what is human experience without giving something a try…you only live once, so get out there and find your love.

Ultimately I don’t think anything will make you happier then love…it is truly the ultimate drug, its natural, renewable and is what evolution has been working on for 4.5 billion years…without the insane drug highs of love, life would be dull and not have all the variety and flair around the sexual experience.

So if you were dumped on Valentines day…take a deep breath…know that the feelings you’re having right now are common and temporary…focus your mind on something else…and chalk it up as a learning experience so the next time you fall in love you will be able to control your emotions better from the start.